You are?
We are the Knights of the Spatchcock.  Of the Secret Order of Musical Excellence.

Hometown?
Canberra, the Nation's Capital.

What are you up to at the moment?
Writing new material, gigging, blowing up amps.

Plans for the future?
World domination is not on our agenda - we just enjoy sharing our music and entertaining our foetal fan base.  We should however get off our arses and play interstate and record a full-length album (we certainly have the material).  Both are on the current wish list.  Ulrich may also be heading overseas to blacker pastures, so auditioning for a new vocalist may also be a requirement.

What's the bands biggest achievement to date?
We're most proud of our EP Ovum and the lively attendance at our gigs.  Music to us is all about sharing with our fans and supporters, and our sales and attendance have been pleasantly positive.

Who parties the most?
Bon Davo likes to let his pants down at the local nursing home, but Alen is a master of long nights of double-handed masturbation.  Ulrich enjoys feasts and orgies on his longboat moored on Lake Burley Griffin.  Kasia is an intergalactic space hussy.  Brendan no longer parties and is considering becoming a chaste holy man.

What are your Influences?
Our songs evolve rapidly from jams and are the combination of all 5 members.  The result is sometimes unusual due to the different influences of individuals.  To name just a few in the mish-mash:  Butterfly Effect, Alice in Chains, Whitesnake, The Cure, Opeth, Gary Moore, Green Carnation, Pink Floyd.

What can punters expect at one of your shows?
A great looking band :) Good fun and variety with no ego.  Dancing, driving guitars, cod-pieces and trumpet solos.

Who gets the most groupies?
We're all getting old and haggard.  As a result our groupies are also from an aging demographic.  According to web stats, over 55% of our fan bases are males (and rising) - perhaps we can attribute that to Kasia.  Alen has been drinking the fluids from Ulrich's increasingly flaccid rod as it's meant to be the nectar of eternal youth, but we haven't noticed any improvements yet.  He's still an old man.

What is your dream support slot?
Rather than using support bands to warm up the crowds the Knights prefer to employ the services of fluffers.  Who we're on stage with isn't important as long as they're not ego-driven tools but instead enjoy the music, the fans and the experience.  That said, our dream support slot would be for Julio Iglesias.  He has many hot older women and this would balance our demographics.